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Compelled to Control: Why Relationships Get Broken And What Makes Them Well

This exciting book breaks new ground in identifying the major cause of relationship failure as the need to control—in marriages and families, with friends and within organizations. "Compelled to Control" reflects Miller’s sweeping knowledge as a thinker, a speaker, and a writer. Going far beyond “how to control a controller,” Miller speaks from the perspective of experience and personal change.


Keith identifies attempts to control others as a major cause of relationship failure – in marriages and families, with friends and within organizations. Unfortunately, the primary symptom of the “control disease” is denial, in which a person cannot see that he or she is controlling in a marriage or other close relationship. Keith believes that this invisible compulsion to control others and the relationship failures it leads to, set up much of the pain that leads to alcoholism, codependence, and other addictive behaviors. The book describes this excruciating and seemingly universal condition with clarity and compassion, and offers a way out, suggesting new ways to approach broken relationships.

(256 pages)

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It is Keith’s genius to take very elusive and complicated material and make it understandable… His own rigorous honesty is a living mirror which can inspire us… The Taste of New Wine is today as important as it was, when it was first published—in fact, I feel it is more relevant than ever… It has increasing importance for the Christian life in our time.
Henri Nouwen
Taste of New Wine